An interesting phenomenon

An interesting thing happened at my weekend job, this weekend. I guess the incident itself wasn't so phenomenal as the reactions and responses that came with it.

First...my weekend job has ohh...probably thousands of agents that work there, from all over the country, from all walks of life. There's a forum board there where you can post your thoughts, bitches, and feelings about work, working there, or just about anything you want to post about. Those forums are dangerous to begin with. Hell, the people I work with are lethal!! They are the most judgemental, opinionated (even for me to say that!), insulting people I ever dealt with. At times I think IRC has nothing over on this bunch. What's scary about that is..."this bunch" isn't IRC. This is a chunk of Americana at its best. Oh yea.

Well. One of the agents decided to grab him a pic of Ari Hesty (some upcoming singer) and put it up as his avitar. Some people put avitars up of celebrities...some put some up of things (flowers, dogs, cartoon captions) some put pics up of themselves. When this guy put his up, some people asked him if it was his real pic. He lied and told them yes. Life at LiveOps went on as usual.

All was going well. He was carry on in the forums, posting and 'socializing' and the general consensus was...he was alright (gay from what I hear, but alright lol). Well, one day (and I suppose this was bound to happen), a different agent was out scouting around in You Tube and found this clip of the real Ari Hest, singing and doing a skit on it.

The posts started in. This one incident lead to about a dozen different threads about this agent who put up a picture of this Ari Hest, portraying it as himself. The majority thought of him as a lying, scheming, untrusting, deplorable human being. There were a few (myself included) that felt it was just a picture. The agent wasn't in any way hurting anybody. He wasn't trying to find real life with anyone. He wasn't promising anything to anyone, wasn't asking anybody for anything. I mean, if its just his looks we're talking about, he means not a damn thing to me or to anyone else there...so what's the big deal?

What was interesting to me was, that while about hmm, 70% of the people posting opinions thought he was a liar and a bad boy, the biggest majority of the 30% of the people who didn't think it was a big thing were the people he actually did form closer ties to than the job. Interesting. Interesting to me, anyway. Imposters...or people saying they look like some picture of someone that isn't them isn't something new to me. It happens ALOT on IRC. Maybe thats why it didn't bother me. Or maybe it didn't bother me because I don't care who he thinks he wants to look like or who will accept him or not if they knew what he REALLY looked like, I don't know. But what I found interesting were...the people he got close and personal with didn't care. If anyone *should* have cared, it should have been them for him not being up front with them, if they went to a deeper level of relationship. But they all maintained what he looked like didn't change who he was.

And all the agents who never gave a rats ass about him suddenly are paying close, close attention to 'the lying fraud'.

I found the reactions....interesting.

A Good Day

Today was a good day. Call volume at my weekend job, so far, this weekend, is killer. I had back to back calls today, and most all of the time I was working was on bonus time. Four hours of work raked in 73 bucks! Yea!! I love this job, and don't mind giving up my weekends to work, when the work is good like that. I take infomercial television and radio offers on this job. The people you meet are interesting. Its a challenge and brings out my competitive nature, as I go thru the steps and try to sell them "upsells, and downsells". Those are good, and increase your ratings which increase your call volume. The downside of this job is I get per minute of talk time. So, when conditions aren't right, I could make as little as a waitress without her tips!! Those are huge bummer days, as I resent giving up my weekend time to sit idly at the pc, waiting for calls (money) to come my way.

Two years ago, I did this job full time. Money was never an issue for me then. I mean, I wasn't Rockefeller, or anything like that. But I wasn't worrying. Now, I work the infomercial job on weekends only, and work a regular 9-5, hourly rate of pay job, Monday thru Friday. The pay is MUCH less than LiveOps (the infomercial job). But it has benefits, like a 401K, paid holidays...and the potential to, along with my retirement pension from my respiratory career...and whatever pittance SS will be, will allow me to actually retire, one day. But...when call volume at LiveOps is good, that temptation to go back full-time kicks in...and I have to keep telling myself there's a reason I'm opting for lower income, even though I sure could use it right now.

After almost three months of painful struggling to make up a mortgage payment that I got behind on, I get a letter from my mortgage company, last week. The arm is being adjusted again. My payments just keep rising. It sucks. Yea...HELL YEA!!! Lets continue to bail out all these irresponsible corporations, while WE, the small guys, struggle and do whats right...at OUR cost, struggle, and worry. It's the American way...and the smart thing to do...((so they say, but I don't, and won't, always believe what "they say").

But that will just turn into a rant, and I'm not in the mood for ranting today. Today's a good day. It's been productive. The freedom of working at home, at my desired time, both for my weekend and weekday jobs, makes me realize I don't have much to complain about (even though I do like to complain :)

Common sense, good sense, no sense whatsoever

As I listen to people going on about their online life dilemma's, I just have to shake my head and well, feel sorry for them, I guess. What I'd like to know is, when was it declared that the people you meet and become aquainted with on the internet are supposed to have, or supposed to be trustworthy people? I mean, when you think of this logically, you only half trust the people you meet in real life, face to face, and would hardly call 'everyone' your friend. Yet online, the rules change so dramatically. Not only are you willing to give strangers trust, you are willing to give them money, let them run your life, let them RUIN your life, then....just sit back and wonder why it happens.



If it weren't for the fact that the people who do get burned get genuinely hurt and become emotional wrecks, I would remind them...point out to them...the haphazard care they took "In Themselves", when they entrusted these online, trustworthy *smirk* people to their lives. But there is little point in that once they are hurting and looking for help, or at the very least a little sympathy. But it still amazes me that people take such poor care of their own well-being, and are so very, very quick to blame other people for NOT taking care of their well-being. There is just no sense in any of it.

I have been accused of 'not having an offline perspective'. I am quite adept with my offline perspective, thank you very much! I am sincerely beginning to think it's not me that has a problem with that. The problem is with people not having the good sense to think about what they are doing. It is those people who have lost perspective on things. They have lost themselves to the comfort of the internet, the comfort of believing what they want to hear, and the logical sense of reality vs unreality. And when it all comes tumbling down on them...when their bad decisions lead to the turmoil they placed themselves into, then they cry foul and boo, when, in my opinion, they are a big, big part of the problem. They are the enablers of the scammers and preditors online. Then they want everyone to understand their position.

To tell them all this makes one seem heartless and non-caring. Yet, to warn these people about what they are doing before they actually do it, is seen as butting into their business and telling them things that (they swear at the time) they have a handle on. The solution?? I doubt there is one. As long as people confuse the perspectives of online life and offline life, these problems will always be there.

Now...I've said it. Albiet, just to myself, and have hurt no ones feelings in the interim, but I feel better. :)

Idle time

Well, my daughter conveniently clogged my computer up with viruses, last night. Oh the joys of 'know-it-all' teens. I have this other computer that my husband actually bought a couple of years ago and never even took it out of the box. (another 'know-it-all', but thats a whole other story). I took it out this morning, set it up...it runs on Vista which sucks BIG time, cuz my weekday job, the programs they use, aren't compatible with Vista yet. Hell, as far as compatibility goes, Vista isn't compatible with my anti-virus program, its not compatible with my printer, fax, copier. Vista sucks. So...no work for me, today. And a HUGE headache, trying to set up this confounded Vista computer. My husband doesn't know it yet, but he's being charged for the work! lol But to be fair, I am setting it up for him, with web-sites and programs he uses, so the charge will be valid ;)



Since I have the day off, I figured I'd be able to pull a thought or two together here, since my time allows me about a post a month. First of all, I went to see the shuttle lift off Friday night. It's the supposed last night launch of a shuttle, before they put all of the shuttles down for good. I've been to Space View Park before to see daytime lift offs...and have seen lots of daytime and nighttime lift offs from my home, but seeing one taking off at night, up close, is nothing short of spectacular. The ground shakes (and I wonder if the ground shaking is somewhat like a tremor in California, I don't know), you can feel the electricity of everyone around you, when it lifts off, you can almost swear a bomb is going off. But then this huge ball of fire starts rising (and you can't even see the shuttle, or anything but a ball of fire, or what might seems like an artificial sun), and it rises and rises with a huge tail of fire trailing behind it. It was a cloudy night, that night, so as it rose, it continued to look like a muffled fireball racing up to the sky. On a clear day you can see the actual shuttle, sometimes even, if the suns right, reflecting it. On a clear night, it doesn't so much look like a ball of fire, as much as it looks like a streak of fire racing upwards. But up close...with the sights, sounds, feel of the ground, excitement of the people around you. Well, its just something to see.



And the people. Geeezzzz. There were people from all over the country and world! I met a man from Germany there, who said he came specifically to watch this last night launch. I got to thinking about it as we talked. He spoke very good english, watched enough of American news to know about the shuttle launches and this being the last one....and actually had an interest in "Our" history, to be witness to it. He also asked me and my husband if we were glad that Obama was president-elect. He seemed very, very, very happy that he was. And, being the democrats we are, we were. And it occurred to me that (aside from republicans, and American republican, I mean), alot of people are glad that Obama's been elected. I know the republicans don't have much confidence in him, but I damn sure do. And hearing how he's being received globally just makes me feel all the better. We're on the lame duck watch, now we just have to endure the wait.

But the launch was fantastic...better than I ever could have thought. The world's on its way to getting better (hopefully, at least America is!) And now....its just to deal with this Vista computer. I can't wait to get MY computer back.

So typical...for a republican

Now that the election is over...Obama's won and the republicans lost....I am hearing more and more about how republicans (yes republicans, NOT democrats) are criticizing and blasting Palin for who she was, actually stooping to call her a Wasilla Hillbilly.

Now, it makes me wonder. If Sarah Palin, the governor of Alaska, is a mere hillbilly to her own campaign camp (that's right...McCain's own campaign camp is launching these accusations and name callings), a campaign that picked her with their own little umm...brains? If she's really a hillbilly when the curtains go down and the games over....where does "Joe, the plumber" fit in? Where do all the joe the plumbers, lisa the school teachers, Andy the painters truly fall into the republican plan??

It's just so obvious, and I can't understand how intelligent people can fall for it. They like to spew and redicule the proposals to moderate and start regulating Wall St...a sector thats already proven their unaccountability, as big owners and CEO's of mega corporations tumble and run with big bail outs under huge umbrella's to compensate them for their fuck up. I heard someone say "Why start a business if you can't pay yourself a salary". lol. Come on now...these people who ran with their money were far from accountable business owners. They ran, leaving the American people and Congress...gov't...to bail them out...insisting not getting bailed out would further worsen situations. Now, I believe that "To An Extent". But the smaller business owners wouldn't be afforded that same luxury, if they made bad business decisions and ruined their business. So...DO the republicans support small business. No. Hell, they don't even support their own team when they lose!!! How....American of them. Yea.

I doubt I'll ever get logic like that. I instead ask, With friends like that on your side, who would ever need enemies? I say...let the republicans go on and on about how right and just it is to be republican...while they go on forever being brain-washed by big corporations into being their "do-boys" and "do-girls". You know...the peons that actually DO something to make big business run?

I truly do know there is more to it all than just that. It has to be. And while I never liked Palin, even as a person, I don't like that she's becoming the scape goat for a failed campaign. Their justification at her expense...after they insisted during their whole campaign she was more than qualified for the job. (even though she wasn't sure what her job description was! lol), is more than apparent to me and should be to anyone, really.

That's politics. And despite all the gloom and doom stories about how Obama is going to fuck up. I will sit back while the reps run their bp up, figuring out what else to say...and wait, for myself, to see how much progress a man who never failed at a goal he set, in his life, proceeds with his new position.

To Judge or not to Judge

I was out about wandering on IRC, something I rarely do, and wandered into a channel. Ok, I wandered in more to get under his skin, maybe aggravate him, make him kick me (and I get a little kick out of "ordering" people to kick me when I start seeing the 'prep' signs coming up. This clever fella, instead of following my orders once, just moderated his channel, preventing me from being heard if I did talk. Smart. But I didn't forget him or what he did, and went back to....see what I could do? what would happen? Who knows. But I was in one of my moods, so didn't really care.

As it turned out, it wasn't an abrasive visit at all, but instead we had a quite pleasant, but serious conversation (and I'm pretty much a serious person, anyway). I wound up sharing my viewpoints on the people on irc and he told me that most would consider me judgemental...and then he said, they would not like me as a result. lol. Well, the not liking me part didn't phase me and I told him that. And truthfully, although I didn't tell him this..I didn't tell him that I didn't think of myself as judgemental. In fact, liked to think that a virtue of mine was that I didn't judge. But when revealing a truth to a stranger (of sorts), I realized I do judge. Albeit, not without cause.


I try not to judge people by the things they do...or the things they like....or the things they believe in. I tend, more, to judge people for saying or acting one way, to either forward themselves in a situation, then revert back to who they REALLY are if that attempt to change didn't pan out their way. And I judge people when they judge others. I suppose I support the belief, "People shouldn't throw parties in glass houses". In other words, dont suddenly propose you are one way, or one type of person...then go about rediculing or harrassing, or "judging" people on the very things you used to do. It truly reflects badly on your credibility, in my mind.

People complicate their own lives. Didn't someone once say that history repeats itself? I believe so, and believe people are destined to make the same mistakes over and over again, will find the same justifications that validated them when change fails, and basically, over the years, I have come to realize you can truly, only trust yourself. Trusting anyone else can be a risk. And the doom, burn, being scammed, being traumatized is, if nothing else, the crutch to justify the ends to their means...whatever it may be. I can't count the times I've been kicked, betrayed, let down, or whatever. And the only thing that got me back up was me. For the most part, people didn't want to hear it either. Nor did I lay blame on a person or situation for my hypocratic behavior. Face it. People get burned, people get hurt. It doesn't give them right to change rules and standards just for putting yourself in that situation (either intentionally or unintentionally). So I do find it hard to pity or empathize, sympathize, 'go along with' alot of alot of what people say.

I'm sure...most sure, in fact, that I'm not exempt from these 'rules'. However, I can justify as well as the next, I suppose, so when I do it...I always feel its different lol...as double standard-ish as that might be.

And really, when I refer to anything here, I am refering to the goings on of online interaction. Online people are a fucking trip!! I would go insane if I had to deal with people in my everyday life with the mentality online people have. I mean that online people are not as easy to trust, most not even being people I seek out in my day to day life, but on the same token find them very interesting. Online people are the complication here. Whether it be putting too much trust in another online person, allowing yourself to be vulnerable to 'traumatization'...or just believing in the people that come online fantasizing about who they want to be to the point they deceive people, even intentionally, to achieve the feeling...the experience of that fantasy, and maybe even, lose themselves in that fantasy and lose the lines of distinction.

People cause their own problems. I have come to the 'judgement' that its a fact ;)

Starting out fresh

I started this blog with the full intent of unleashing my wrath on one particular person. Yep. I actually wanted to start a hate blog. I do however, have a 3 day rule. The rule is...when I get mad at a person, before saying or doing anything, I just stew on it for three days, then re-collect my thoughts and THEN do what I was initially wanting to do, if I still want to do it. I no longer want to express hate against this person. Albeit, I don't like him, won't trust him anymore for anything, and do hope karma takes care of it for me.

What the whole event did though was make me think about on-line relationships. Well, first, it made me switch back to the on-line nick I used, which is Louve. I used nicks other than Louve too, but Louve stuck and suited me for the last couple of years. I used to be Dawna, because this said person, who was supposed to be the crux of my wrath, wanted me to be Dawna. And since I am basically submissive and willing (not slave, just sub and willing, at times, I obliged). But I was also provoked to think about other things related....

Like...who signs online and why do they seek out interaction with others? Granted, some use the internet like a dating arena. They set out on quests to find mr/mrs right...or master/slave right...or whatever the lifestyle may be. Which brings me to another sideline thought. There are more than not that feel their lifestyle should be honored, understood, and respected, by all. I say bunk to that...and the respect you give to anyone is the respect you'll get in return. End of story. But thats a topic for a whole other time.

Cutting to the point.....

Now, its pretty obvious why some people sign on. Some use the internet as a connection to broadening their social life. I can understand that. They are not of the conventional minded people and finding like-minded people can be just....impossible, under normal every day circumstance. So the internet brings those people together. I do understand that. There are certain things I do not understand though, and sometimes (although, I don't put a whole lot of struggle into it) I do struggle to understand the rest of the intentions.

Like...why do people claim to be what they are when they aren't? As I type out the question, I almost want to erase it, cuz the answer came to me as I was typing it out. People who come online NOT looking for rl encounters, or NOT being who they said they are (unless they upfront say they are roleplaying) sign on for a various number of reasons. Some are just wanting to find the simple connection of like-minded people, talking, sharing experiences, laughing and just forming a bond. Some sign on to fantasize...either wanting or wishing you were something you weren't. Sign on and pretend/or act/or just say you are that person, can at least let you explore venues you have no business being in...or arent fully prepared to be in...or just plain havent thought out the consequence of being there! It can be a rather harmless thing, on initial thought. But, if in that fantasy walk, you interact with people, putting your word and their belief in you in one way, when you actually do not mean what you are saying...or better yet, more to the point, lying about it, then you become what *I* call, a gamer. There are alot of them online too...mixed in right along with the people seeking rl through the internet.

So...what does this mean? Well, to me, the first thing that comes to mind is Kaylen's "Walk softly and carry a big Whacky stick". In other words (to me), it means take cautiously the acquaintences you meet online. Just as quickly as a person seeking an offline relationship online can fall into a false sense of thinking who that person really was, it can happen to an online only person, too. Albeit, maybe not on the same magnitude, but deceit is rampant on irc. Its why I call it a cesspool. I have met only a few people (I can literally count them on one hand!!) that I trust enough to speak frankly, honestly and REAL with...and take their word as truth.

So...what does it result in for me? Spending way less time online trying to make connections with people than I used to. Hell, I have enough rl enemies and drama in my life, to set out seeking more online! I enjoy reading blogs, forums, and interacting with people on that kind of level. But to get too much deeper involved with them...well, through my experience...just isn't a wise thing to do. I know I probably lack and lose much in the way of meeting some good, honest, 'have a good time learning from them' people that way, but I lose that at the cost of no aggravation, disappointment, or a feeling of hatred, later on. On that issue, I have to weigh the lesser of the evils, and for me, its not signing on as much, and not looking to get close to people I don't know. Or double up on my xanax and I depend too much on that, already lol. And besides, as long as nyx remains my friend (and I do hope she does), I have all I can handle in 'As The World Turns on IRC'.

So, what was the purpose of this post? LOL. Probably just to purge the rest of the hate I had stored in me for the person I wanted to start a hate blog over. Writing my feelings out, for me, is a way of healing/solving my problems. So...who only knows when another post will come along. :)