Monday, October 6, 2008

To Judge or not to Judge

I was out about wandering on IRC, something I rarely do, and wandered into a channel. Ok, I wandered in more to get under his skin, maybe aggravate him, make him kick me (and I get a little kick out of "ordering" people to kick me when I start seeing the 'prep' signs coming up. This clever fella, instead of following my orders once, just moderated his channel, preventing me from being heard if I did talk. Smart. But I didn't forget him or what he did, and went back to....see what I could do? what would happen? Who knows. But I was in one of my moods, so didn't really care.

As it turned out, it wasn't an abrasive visit at all, but instead we had a quite pleasant, but serious conversation (and I'm pretty much a serious person, anyway). I wound up sharing my viewpoints on the people on irc and he told me that most would consider me judgemental...and then he said, they would not like me as a result. lol. Well, the not liking me part didn't phase me and I told him that. And truthfully, although I didn't tell him this..I didn't tell him that I didn't think of myself as judgemental. In fact, liked to think that a virtue of mine was that I didn't judge. But when revealing a truth to a stranger (of sorts), I realized I do judge. Albeit, not without cause.

I try not to judge people by the things they do...or the things they like....or the things they believe in. I tend, more, to judge people for saying or acting one way, to either forward themselves in a situation, then revert back to who they REALLY are if that attempt to change didn't pan out their way. And I judge people when they judge others. I suppose I support the belief, "People shouldn't throw parties in glass houses". In other words, dont suddenly propose you are one way, or one type of person...then go about rediculing or harrassing, or "judging" people on the very things you used to do. It truly reflects badly on your credibility, in my mind.

People complicate their own lives. Didn't someone once say that history repeats itself? I believe so, and believe people are destined to make the same mistakes over and over again, will find the same justifications that validated them when change fails, and basically, over the years, I have come to realize you can truly, only trust yourself. Trusting anyone else can be a risk. And the doom, burn, being scammed, being traumatized is, if nothing else, the crutch to justify the ends to their means...whatever it may be. I can't count the times I've been kicked, betrayed, let down, or whatever. And the only thing that got me back up was me. For the most part, people didn't want to hear it either. Nor did I lay blame on a person or situation for my hypocratic behavior. Face it. People get burned, people get hurt. It doesn't give them right to change rules and standards just for putting yourself in that situation (either intentionally or unintentionally). So I do find it hard to pity or empathize, sympathize, 'go along with' alot of alot of what people say.

I'm sure...most sure, in fact, that I'm not exempt from these 'rules'. However, I can justify as well as the next, I suppose, so when I do it...I always feel its different double standard-ish as that might be.

And really, when I refer to anything here, I am refering to the goings on of online interaction. Online people are a fucking trip!! I would go insane if I had to deal with people in my everyday life with the mentality online people have. I mean that online people are not as easy to trust, most not even being people I seek out in my day to day life, but on the same token find them very interesting. Online people are the complication here. Whether it be putting too much trust in another online person, allowing yourself to be vulnerable to 'traumatization'...or just believing in the people that come online fantasizing about who they want to be to the point they deceive people, even intentionally, to achieve the feeling...the experience of that fantasy, and maybe even, lose themselves in that fantasy and lose the lines of distinction.

People cause their own problems. I have come to the 'judgement' that its a fact ;)

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